This is unfinished draft; I would start to write randomly and this would end up in my drafts folder. I am publishing this to include as if this was my physical journal.
Grief is a weird thing. Someone once described it to me as a wave, it comes and goes but never truly goes away. You learn to ride the waves of grief basically.
People were shocked how I was handling myself after the breakup. I held it together really well. I put on a brave face and said ” I am happier than ever. Everything is better”. Now over a month later, I think its hit me what I did, how I disrupted my life- not because I wanted to but because it was out of necessity. I couldnt like so unhappily anyone. I made a decision based on my quality of life.
Now after the dust has settled, I am back with my parents living and picking up the pieces. I have dealt with the vendors and the reality that we lost a lot of money. To make matters worse, my wedding dress was picked up today. Its currently hanging in the quiet room. Like a constant reminder of my failed marriage. It makes me sad that I was so sick during the planning process that I never enjoyed it. There are so many things I would do different looking back. BASICALLY everything.
Everyone grieves differently.